The Hunger Games

Ooookaaay....

I'm kind of dispirited right now (to put it gently). Nephi broke his bow, and it’s been a few days since any of us have had anything to eat. There’s no indication of a town anywhere nearby, so I don’t know how we’re going to get food. I’ve been trying to think of a way out of this, but nothing is coming to mind. It’s too far to make it back to Jerusalem, and I don’t know how much longer we can last out here without a way to hunt. I don’t think this will be my last post—with water, which we have, a person can last a couple weeks without food—but it might be my 2nd or 3rd to last post.

Ishmael’s in REAL bad shape. He wasn’t exactly a youngin' when we left, and so the travel has been hard on him. We stopped to rest and hunt partially so he could recover. But without food, he hasn't. He’s so weak he couldn’t even get out of bed the last couple days.

Oh, and Jael’s pregnant. Not a great time to start a multi-day fast. Although I guess if we all die out here it doesn’t matter anyway. I hate to see her suffering the way she is. This is not the life a pregnant women deserves. It’s so tough because on the one hand, I’m supposed to honor my father and mother, but on the other hand, I’m Jael’s husband. I have a responsibility to take care of her—a responsibility I’m failing at as we die out here because of Dad, Nephi, and Ishmael.

I think Dad is finally starting to get it though. Laman and I were talking to him, and I was trying not to be all “I told you so,” but Laman had no qualms about it. I tried to gently explain that this is what I’ve been saying all along. The Lord protects His people, and abandoning them leaves us unprotected. Starving. In the wilderness. With no food. And no way of getting food. I think it finally got through to him because he’s pretty sad about the whole situation. It’s a bit late though. I just hope that if we don’t survive, this blog functions to help others learn from our mistakes.

Not sure if Nephi will ever get it. He really ticked me off this morning. He had the gall to chew us out for “hardening our hearts." My response was “Dude! My wife and unborn child are probably gonna die, and my concern for them constitutes a ‘hard heart?!'” Then I called him a self-righteous brat and told him where he could stick that holier-than-thou act of his. I turned around and walked off before he could push any more of my buttons. I generally try not to use that sort of language, but let's just say I'm not in the best place emotionally right now.

I don’t know what’s going to happen...I just don’t know...