We buried Ishmael yesterday. He died two days ago, the night after we reached Nahom. Like I said, his passing has been really hard on everyone. All of his daughters loved him a lot. So much so that at the burial ceremony, things got a bit heated. Zilpah and Jael both gave Dad a piece of their minds, and I wasn’t too inclined to intervene. They had a point. Their dad is dead (not exactly a sign of God’s approval of our trek), they’re exhausted, pregnant, starving, and although we have meat right now, that whole starvation incident might happen again if we continue on in our present course of action. They wanted to return to Jerusalem but Dad wasn’t really willing to talk about it at that time. Instead he said we need to focus on Ishmael’s burial for the time being, and deal with other issues afterward. So Zilpah and Jael stormed off, and weren’t even there for the final parts of the burial ceremony.
Laman was pretty bothered by the whole thing. He’s now the patriarch of his own family, and yet he's dragging them out somewhere they don’t want to be. Later on, Hoshea and Ahijah and me were a couple ris outside of camp when Laman came up to us and initiated the following conversation. I’ll warn you ahead of time, this conversation goes to a weird place, but just keep in mind we’ve all kind of been in a weird place lately. It’s hard to make sense of things.
Laman: We gotta get back to Jerusalem, guys.
Hoshea: And how are we going to do that? We don’t have the right gear to split up into two parties, and there’s no way you’ll ever get Lehi, Sam, and Nephi to come along with us.
Laman: Well, I don’t think we should split into two parties. Doing that basically ensures our moms and sisters die along with those three fools.
Me: Look, I wanna get back too. We all do. But, I’m starting to wonder though, like…that director. I have no idea how that thing works, but it seems to be from God, and it's telling us to keep going.
Ahijah: It does seem to be evidence that our Dads aren’t totally crazy...
Laman: Listen to yourselves! Who is the only one in our family that can make something like that director?!
Me: uhhh...
Laman: Nephi, you moron! Look, one thing Nephi has going for him is that he is a genius at creating stuff. A couple weeks before we left, his master was telling me he's excelling in his apprenticeship faster than any apprentice he’s ever seen. Ever notice how the writing on the ball never changes when any of us look at it? It’s only when Dad or Nephi are using it. Nephi is seriously cunning, and he rigged up the thing so the needles point the direction he wants them to go, and he swaps out the writing periodically. He’s trying to get us to think that God is leading us.
Me: You just blew my mind...
Ahijah: It kind of makes sense, I guess.
Laman: Oh, it makes even more sense than that. Nephi’s also claiming that God talks to him, and angels minister to him. Well isn’t that convenient? “Hey guys, God led us to this ‘promised land,’ so now it’s time to set up our little community that God has given us. Oh, and God talks to me, so I better tell you all how to run this place since God gave it to us.” God talks to him?! God speaks to the prophets, the men he gave authority to to lead us. But he’s trying to usurp that authority by setting himself up as a light for our family. It’s basically just priestcraft. He’s wants to be in charge, to be a king, regardless of how small his kingdom is. He’s always wanted to be on top. That’s why he always talks down to us. He’s trying to put us in our place—below him.
Hoshea: So I guess it’s safe to say you don’t think God is leading us then?
Me: [chuckle chuckle] Yeah, tell us how you really feel. No, kidding. But seriously, you kinda have a point here. But my question is, so what? What are we going to do?
Laman: Lemuel, who’s responsible for protecting Jael?
Me: … uhhh, me. Where are going with—
Laman: —And if Jael’s threatened, what’s your job?
Me: …uhhh, protect her? Take out the threat.
Laman: Okay, now why is Ishmael dead?
Hoshea: Because we are trying to survive in a desert...and apparently we’re not very good at it.
Laman: Okay, now Ishmael isn’t going to be the last one to die out here. The pregnant women will probably not make it either. You have to realize that the biggest threats right now to your wives are Dad and Nephi.
Me: So you’re saying that we should—
Laman: I’m saying it’s time to be a man and do what it takes to protect your family.
Ahijah: But Nephi would die before he lets us take everyone back to Jerusalem!
Laman: Then maybe we take him up on that offer. Look Lemuel, Nephi’s my brother too, and I don’t want to be talking like this, but things have changed now. My responsibilities have changed now, and Lemuel, so have yours.
Me: Yeah, I guess...
Laman: Look we don’t have to kill him. I’d prefer we don’t. What we do is we simply take control of the situation. We go back to camp, we announce we’re headed back and start the preparations. If they resist, we escalate and show we’re in control. Hopefully Dad and Nephi don’t do anything dumb, and we can all head back and move on with our lives.
Lemuel: I think you’ve got realize that escalation is guaranteed. It’s 4 against 4 here. Dad, Nephi, Sam and Zoram against the 4 of us. We’re not going to be able to “just take charge” here.
Ahijah: And your dad’s may not be a young guy anymore, but he definitely still has some fight in him.
Hoshea: So then I guess we have to strike first. Let’s say Nephi can’t put up a fight anymore, then that definitely swings the odds in our favor, and discourages the others from trying to stop us.
Laman: Hoshea’s ri—
And then the wind started. The weird thing was, there was no wind. Just the sound of a VERY. LOUD. WIND. We all stopped talking, then the wind sound died down, and then…Well, I don’t know how to explain it to all you guys. We all like…felt…or…heard…or something...a voice.
 |
| Not what it looked like, but definitely what it sounded and felt like. |
Voice: Laman and Lemuel, arise and hearken to My words!
[Shocked and unsure what was going on, I just kinda sat there dumbfounded.]
Voice: Laman and Lemuel, arise and hearken to My word, even the word of the God of Israel!!
[This time I figured it out and complied.]
Voice: Why do you seek the blood of your father and your brother, Nephi? For I, the Lord, have said: Inasmuch as you keep my commandments, you shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands. And I have blessed Nephi, because of his faith, and because he has sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart. And inasmuch as you shall rebel against Nephi, you shall be cut off from my presence. And now behold, if you rebel against me, I will curse you, even with a sore curse. Now I say unto you: Go, and remember the captivity of your fathers in the land of Egypt, and remember how great things I have done for them; for they were in bondage, and I delivered them. And now I say unto you, Laman, Lemuel, Hoshea, and Ahijah, go your way, and seek to destroy your father and brother no more, that I may fulfill my covenant with them, and this even if you will of yourself be cast off.
Laman: [in a very terrified voice at this point] But...my God, are we not already cast off in this place? We have suffered much and will likely die of starvation.
Voice: If you hearken unto me, I will be your guide. I will bless you again with food, that you will not perish. Now go, repent of the evil you have done, and keep my commandments.
Yeah, so basically, Laman tried to argue with God. That guy! Whaddya gonna do?
Anyway, as I said up at the top of this post, this is all kinds of weird. How Nephi and Dad have favor with God when they’re actively rebelling against God’s prophets is beyond me. But who am I to argue with God? (That’s apparently Laman’s job anyway).
So after that, we basically cooled off, got our heads back on our shoulders, and decided that being "cast off" didn’t sound like our preferred life outcomes. So I’m trying to be more humble about this whole thing. Laman and I were chatting afterward and decided that we should probably accept that Dad is a real prophet. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that creates a lot of cognitive dissonance. I admit, I’m confused about what’s going on here, but I guess God wants me to play ball. So I’m gonna play.
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