Everything I Know Is Wrong — Vol 2

Good news, we’re still alive. The storm has passed. And I guess God put me back in my place...again. Here’s the full story.

So two posts ago, I mentioned I was going to see if we could have some fun on the boat. Ahijah, true to expectation, taught us some good songs. We broke out the wine and we started to dance. It was the best time we’d had in weeks. Nephi, however, saw people having fun and decided God doesn’t like fun, and so we’d better stop it. I get that we need to obey God, but we need balance in our lives. People need time to unwind, and I don’t think Nephi gets that.

Anyway, he ripped into us for singing, dancing, and a few of Ahijah’s slightly off-color jokes. And normally I’m used to that, and can deal with it. And normally, none of us ever have more than a moderate amount of wine at a time. But we did get a bit to free with the wine, and Nephi’s self-righteousness came off as extra abrasive, so Laman and I told him off and tied him up on the ship so he’d leave us alone. We basically put him in a time out. Once he cooled off, we planned to let him go.

Nephi had been doing a lot of the steering up to that point (shocker, I know), so with him tied up, Laman went to take a turn. We thought the director was jammed or something, or that we might’ve broken it in the tussle with Nephi, so Laman had no idea where we were going. I tried to unjam it, or see if I could fix it, but no luck.

We went back to check on Nephi and tell him we’re in trouble because the director must’ve been broken when we tied him up, and asked him if he had the tools he needed to fix it. Rather than be a team player, he just lit into us again and said the director stopped working because of our wickedness. At that point we decided he hadn’t cooled off enough to come out of time out.

Because we didn’t know where we were going, the next day we ended up steering ourselves into a giant storm. Everyone was telling us we needed to let Nephi go, and the storm came because we tied him up. My thinking was correlation doesn’t equal causation. God himself seems to enjoy a bit of wine (story here), and so even though Nephi and Dad have been on God’s side on a number of issues over the last eight or nine years, there’s no way he’s right about this one, and he needs to get off his high horse. I felt like he was trying to rule over the entirety of the family now, and we needed to put him in his place. Not that he’s below us, but just that he’s not over us either.

Anyway, storm kept getting worse, and everyone kept saying we needed to untie Nephi. After four days of that storm going, it got so bad, we knew it was over. The ship didn’t seem like it could take too much more of this, and the waves were getting crazy enough that capsizing seemed inevitable. Everyone was begging for us to untie Nephi. I kept thinking there’s no way that’s connected to this storm, but we figured we’d give it a shot. Also, if the ship capsized, we didn’t want him to be tied to it. If there’s anywhere close to swim to, that at least would give him a chance at survival.

So we untied him, and looking at him, he was in rough shape. I felt pretty bad. His wrists were pretty swollen because not only was he tied, but also the rocking of the boat probably threw him against the restraints quite a bit. He was honestly classier than I expected. He didn’t rail on us, instead he just went and grabbed the director, and kneeled down and prayed. And…well, the storm stopped.

I snapped this picture within a minute after Nephi finished praying. Bizarre.

Guys, I don’t know what to say at this point. It just feels like God is trying to showcase that He’s picked Nephi to be His favorite, and to rub that in every chance possible. Nephi was all worried that our partying was going to upset God, and it didn’t. There was no storm because of us having some fun. He was wrong. We tried to get him to chill out by putting him in timeout, and that’s when God decided to show His displeasure.

What am I missing here?! I didn’t think God was like this. Since when does He pick favorites who He supports regardless of how right or wrong they are? I never understood Job before. He made God seem too arbitrary. It didn’t match with the understanding of God that our prophets taught back home. But now I think I get it. He saves whoever He wants, and He condemns whoever He wants. “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” And I guess I’m just on the loosing end of His arbitrary nature. But I don’t want to be on the bad end. I’d like to be favored of God.

I’ve been trying.

I guess…I guess I might as well give up at this point. It’s clear He doesn’t want me.

The Perfect Storm

This is gonna be quick. Just want to give a quick update in case this is the last post you get from me. The last two days we’ve been in a MASSIVE storm. Ship is holding up pretty well, but I’m not sure how many more days this storm will go. It’s been getting progressively worse, and even if the ship doesn’t break up, if she flips, we’re done for. I gotta get back to my post. Missing the boredom right now. Hope I’ll posting again in a few days. Please pray for us...

Last two days worth of scenery

Labeling a Post "Boring" Probably Isn't the Best Way to Get You to Read It

I thought all the extra time would allow me to do some good blogging, but it turns out when you’re bored out of your mind, it’s hard to think of anything to blog about. So I figured I could at least blog about the monotony to give me a break. But now I’m out of things to say about it other than state the fact that monotony is monotonous.

Maybe I’ll go talk to Ahijah. I hear he used to work at a pub for awhile. He probably knows some fun songs and dances from his days there. Maybe we could have some fun and liven up this place.

Boring Boredom is Boring

We shoved off from Bountiful about a week ago and we’re all. so. bored. and. testy. It’s a little closer quarters than I think we’re used to especially with all the kids running around now. There’s nothing much to do each day except prepare food, clean up food, and sit around.

My bet is on Laman being the first one to snap, but Jael thinks it’ll be one of her brothers first. I think it’d be awesome if it was Sam. He’s always so easy-going, if he finally just flipped out, it’d be hilarious, and not what anyone would expect.

Thinking about Sam having a break down is the most lively thought I’ve had this whole week. Well, that was fun. Now back to regularly scheduled reality of now. So. Boring.

Boat's Done

Quick update is all I have time for. Ship is done. We tested it out; it runs well, and no leaks. We’re in the middle of loading up all our gear into the ship before we shove off. I imagine we’ll be leaving pretty soon. Once we get on board, I imagine things will probably be kind of slow, so I’ll have more time to blog.

Parting shot of our beautiful, temporary home

Shock and Awe

Time to come clean and eat some crow. I’m now busy helping Nephi build the ship. I probably won’t have a ton of time to blog over the next while as we work on this. The day after my last post, Nephi came up behind me and Laman and touched us with his hands. No idea how to explain what happened, but all I can say is there was some power in him that really shook both of us. I guess that’s what I asked for in my prayer—a clear, unmistakable message. And boy did I get it. Anyway, Laman and I took that as evidence God is with Nephi in this ship building project. So even though I’m going to miss Bountiful, we’re doing our part to build a quality ship so we can leave.

Some scenery from our beautiful home we'll be leaving. (And yes, that's the point from which Laman and I were planning to help Nephi "cool off.")

A quick note before I finish up though. I’m still trying to figure things out. Yes, God has given me evidence that Nephi is His man, and I’m accepting that evidence and obeying accordingly, but He hasn’t done anything to help resolve the questions I’ve expressed over and over again. I almost feel like He doesn’t care enough to be bothered. I mean Nephi and Dad get all sorts of personal visitations and answers to their questions, and I get nothing except chastisement and shocks. I really wish God loved me the same way He does Nephi.

The Voices in My Head

Well, so I went up to the hills last night. Started praying. Asked God if Dad and Nephi were right about everything aaaaaand…nothing. No angels or visions like Nephi or Dad get. No voice of God like that one time. Seems like the only time God wants to talk to me is when Laman and I are at our wit’s end with those two. And then He’s only interested in chastising us. I don’t get it. Anyway, while I was up there, I got to thinking, and kinda had a conversation with myself.

Me: So how is this supposed to work anyway?

Me: Well, what are you expecting?

Me: Some sort of answer about the stuff Dad and Nephi say.

Me: That’s not very specific. How could I answer a question like that?

Me: I guess that’s a good point. I guess, what I want to know is, are the Jews really wicked? Was it really God leading us out of Jerusalem? Is God really leading Dad still? Is it really God who commanded Nephi to build a boat? How can everything I was taught growing up be so wrong?

Me: That's a lot of questions all at once...

Me: Yeah, and no answers. Exactly. And yet Nephi, he’s always talking about how God is talking to him. That’s kind of hard to believe, since it doesn’t ever happen to me.

Me: It doesn’t?

Me: Well, only like the couple times He’s chewed me out. He never answers my questions when I come to Him asking in prayer.

Me: How can you be so sure?

Me: Well if He has, then I’d appreciate it if He spoke a bit louder so I could hear. If He really wants to “reason” with us, not sure why He’s so inaccessible...

Me: Are you sure you’re not the inaccessible one?

Me: Well, yeah, I’m here all the time. Any time He wants to talk, I’m all ears.

Me: And how do you want to be spoken to?

Me: You know, like Nephi does—or at least claims he does. Angels, clear messages, clear voices, etc.

Me: How about the “still small voice” spoken of by Elijah and your brother yesterday?

Me: I don’t even know what to make of that. Just the…just the thoughts that come into your head? How in the world would I distinguish the divine ones from the thoughts I normally have that are not divine—like this little head-conversation I’m having right now? No, the only thing that makes sense is for God to speak clearly and openly to those He has appointed to lead. In this case it’s Dad, and then Laman, with me as a backup to Laman in case Laman stays Laman. Why would God skip me and jump down to Nephi without ever speaking clearly to me first like He does to Nephi. And then, without ever giving me a chance to prove myself, He takes the birthright from me and gives it to Nephi? Then through Nephi condemns me to be ruled over by Nephi? This is not the orderly God I’ve learned of. It’s my right, and so if He’s going to speak, He needs to do so clearly, so I can understand. Otherwise, I have every right to be suspicious of Nephi’s claims. His claims about God’s actions contradict the ways in which I understand God to work.

Me: You want a clear, understandable communication from God?

Me: Yeah! Of course.

Me: Well, you might just get what you ask for sometime in the next couple days.

Me: Yeah, just as I thought. Well, it looks like I’m not getting an answer tonight, but hopefully sometime in the next couple days then.

Then I went back down to camp without hearing a divine peep. It’s now been 2 days since Nephi blew up on us, and threatened to wither us. I’ve been keeping my distance from him in the meantime. I’ll see if God decides to answer my prayers today.

Everything I Know Is Wrong

Don’t know how to preface the conversation that happened today, so I’ll just jump in.

Laman: Nephi, you’re still gathering ore? I thought we settled this.

Nephi: Guys, I’m doing what the Lord told me to—

Laman: [sigh] You’re so much like Dad. You get these idiotic ideas in your head, and you just follow them over whatever cliff is nearby. Let’s look at the similarities here. Dad up and hauled us out of Jerusalem out here to suffer and die in the desert. And it wouldn’t be a huge deal if it were just us, but my wife and my children have suffered immensely because of Dad’s actions. You don’t know it, because Zilpah doesn’t like to complain openly. But she’s been in so much pain. She’s even told me she’s jealous of her dad's death because at least he isn’t suffering anymore.

Laman: We’ve been stuck out here for years. And all this time, we, the supposed providers and protectors of our family have been forcing them to suffer when instead we should’ve been providing them with the life they deserve. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, Nephi, but it’s not easy to bare and raise children. The comforts of society are a thing for a reason. We should’ve been in Jerusalem this whole time, taking care of our wives, ensuring our children have enough to eat—actually enjoying life!

Nephi: Until you and your family were slaughtered by the Babylonian army along with the rest of the wicked Jews.

Me: Dude, you are so self-righteous. The people in Jerusalem were righteous. They kept all of the Lord’s commandments, statues, judgements, everything laid out in the Law of Moses. And honestly, this is where the cognitive dissonance comes in for me. Yeah, the Lord spoke to us, and some stuff has happened like angels and a crazy director thing, that all seem to be evidence that Dad is a prophet. But we know that the Jews were righteous. They observed the sacrifice of the Day of Atonement, which Moses taught would cleanse all our sins before the Lord. Through Moses, God promised us that He will cause our enemies to be smitten before our face. They shall come against us one way and flee before us seven ways. But Dad, who is supposedly a prophet, has been very judgmental towards our people. A judgment I think he made erroneously. And then he led us out here into the desert because of this error in judgment. So yeah, there’s evidence to say he’s a prophet, but I just don’t get it, man. How does he get away with contradicting Moses? Contradicting God?

Laman: …and Nephi, I hate to say this, but you’re as bad as Dad is. I’ll admit, a few things have happened that seem to show the Lord's on your side. But those things don’t make any sense. You’re just as self-righteous and judgmental as Dad is.

Nephi: Lemuel, let’s talk about Moses. Do you believe our ancestors would’ve been delivered from Egypt if they hadn’t obeyed the words of God? Do you think they would have been led out of slavery if the Lord hadn’t commanded Moses to lead them out?

Me: Uhhh, not sure where you’re going with this, but the answer is no, they wouldn’t have.

Nephi: Okay, so you know that Israel was in bondage, and were yoked with some seriously awful tasks?

Me: [nodding] Uh huh…

Nephi: So you know it was good for them to be delivered?

Laman: Of course it was, Nephi, what’s your point?!

Nephi: And you know that God commanded Moses to do the delivering, and you know that he parted the Red Sea so Israel could pass through while the Egyptians were drowned.

Laman: [impatiently] Yep, we all know this.

Nephi: And then once they were in the wilderness, you know they were fed with manna, and drank water that came out of a rock when Moses smote it by the power of God.

Me: Yes, basic history. We know.

Nephi: But then, even though they were led by God Himself day and night as an actual pillar of light, and even though he did everything for them, they still hardened their hearts, blinded their minds, and rejected Moses and God. So how did God respond? He destroyed them as He said He would, He led them as He said He would, and He did for them all the things He said He would. The only things that were done were according to His word.

Nephi: Then they crossed Jordan, and God gave them power to drive out the people living there and destroy them. Now think about this, those people living in Canaan before Israel showed up, were they righteous?

Me: …well, n—

Nephi: —No, they weren’t. Now, if the Canaanites had been righteous, would Israel have been “chosen” to possess the land?

Me: Uhhhh, I’m...not sure...

Nephi: NO, they wouldn’t have been. Look, God esteems all people equally. The righteous are favored of God. But the Canaanites had rejected every word of God. They were fully wicked, and God destroyed them. He cursed the land for the Canaanites until they were destroyed, and blessed it for our fathers so they could obtain it. The earth was created to be lived on, and God raises up righteous nations on the earth, and destroys wicked ones. So He leads the righteous people to precious areas, and He destroys the wicked and curses their land. He’s up high in the heavens; we’re His footstool.

Nephi: He loves those who make Him their God. He loved our fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It was because of the covenant He made with them that He delivered Israel from Egypt. But wow did they ever harden their hearts in the wilderness, and God had to straiten them by His rod. It’s just like you guys.

Laman: What?!

Nephi: God straitened them because of their iniquity. He sent the fiery flying serpents, and He made a way for them to survive if they’d just look. But many wouldn’t and died instead. Then they kept hardening their hearts, until they started going after Moses—oh, and against God too. But, because of His mercy, God led them into the land of promise anyway. And now, after all this, it’s finally time for them to be destroyed because of their wickedness. Heck, they might already be destroyed for all I know. And I know there will be a day where nearly all of them will be destroyed except a few who are captured.

Nephi: And because of this, God told Dad to get out of Jerusalem (oh, and let’s not forget the Jews wanted him dead). But it’s not just the Jews, you guys have also wanted to kill him, which means you have the same murderous heart that they do.

Me: —Now wait a second! We had no intention of—

Nephi: [voice raised a bit now] You guys are quick to sin, but slow to remember God. You’ve even seen AN ANGEL, and GOD HIMSELF SPOKE TO YOU! He tried to speak to you in a still, small voice, but your hearts were past feeling, so you couldn’t feel that voice. So He spoke to you in a voice of thunder, which shook the earth. And you know that He can destroy the entire earth with His word, and He can alter terrain. So why are you so hard in your hearts?! I can’t tell you how sad I am in the depths of my soul, and how this breaks my heart! I have reason to fear that you guys might be cut off from God forever! And I— I am full of the Spirit of God, so much so that my physical frame has no strength.

Me: Nephi, you’re getting a bit worked up, and you’re not really making sense anymore. I think you need to calm down.

Laman: Yeah, and maybe cool off…[wink in my direction]

Me: A swim?

Nephi: Stop!

Laman: I think that’ll help him get his head back.

Nephi: Stop! In the name of the Almighty God, I command you to not touch me! I am filled with the power of God, so much so that my flesh is consumed by it. And if you lay a hand on me, you'll wither like a dried reed. You will be nothing before God as He smites you!

(Around this time, I noticed Nephi looked kinda…weird. Sort of glowing-ish, but not in a normal glowing way. It was weird. Anyway, his appearance definitely backed up his claim he just made)

Not exactly what it looked like, but I didn't have my camera on me, and this picture from an old Sinimite story about a monkey is the closest thing I could find.

Nephi: And, I command you to stop murmuring against Dad, and to help me build this ship because God has commanded me to build a it. And you know what, if God commanded me to do all things, I could do them. If he commanded me to say to the water, “become land,” it would become land. If I said it, it would happen. So now, if the Lord is that powerful, and is capable of such awesome miracles, then why in the world couldn’t He instruct me to build a ship?!

Me: Okay okay, let’s calm down. We’re not going to hurt you—

Nephi: —You can’t hurt me. God has filled me with His power

Me: Fair enough, we can’t hurt you. But here’s my question, you didn’t make any sense just now. I was talking about the scriptural promises that God will protect us, and how that seems to undermine yours and dad’s claim that they’ll be destroyed for wickedness. You just kinda recounted our history and then called me and Laman wicked murders. So, help me see how this all ties together.

Nephi: Okay, let’s go over this one more time. You think you and the Jews are righteous because you observe a bunch of rites and ordinances given to Israel in Moses’ day, but as the Lord said, “What makes you think I want all your sacrifices? I am sick of your burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fattened cattle. I get no pleasure from the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. When you come to worship me, who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony?” He goes on to tell us that our gifts, offerings, celebrations, fasting, pious meetings, all these things are sinful and false. Then He offers us an alternative to our false righteousness. “Come now, and let us reason together.” This is not the message of a God who expects you to only adhere to a list of things He revealed in the past. To come and reason with Him requires us to know Him now. And then, and only then, after you’ve communed with Him, if you are willing and obedient, your sins will be forgiven, and you will eat the good of the land.

Nephi: You see, the whole reason God was able to work through Moses in those days was because Moses and Israel (sometimes) obeyed God’s voice in those days. Righteousness isn’t just obeying a list given in the past, it’s also listening for, receiving, and obeying God’s word toDAY. That’s the only reason Moses was able to deliver the people. I recounted our history to illustrate this principle. But the people were bad at obeying God back then too. Heck, God offered Israel a chance to enter into His presence, and they even said no. Anyway, those promises you mentioned, those were conditional upon Israel’s righteousness, and our history shows that Israel was not righteous. If those promises were unconditional, then why was the Kingdom of Israel destroyed by the Assyrians?

Me: Well, Israel rebelled against the house of David, which God had appointed to lead this people. They cut themselves off from His protection.

Nephi: You’re exactly right that they cut themselves off through rebellion. So then the question is, “Have we also rebelled? Or are we still loyal to our God?” Let’s look at the evidence. Who appointed our current king?

Laman: The Babylonians, look, I get where you’re going with this.

Nephi: Okay, so you fill in the blanks then.

Laman: The fact that Babylon has already subjugated us into basically a vassal state is evidence that God might not be protecting us.

Nephi: Okay, and His lack of protection is evidence of what?

Me: I guess it’s evidence that maybe the Jews aren’t actually righteous.

Nephi: Now let’s bring this full circle. Our family is a type of Israel. Just as Israel fled wicked Egypt as destruction reigned down upon it, our family is escaping the fully ripe nation of Judah as destruction is about to be visited upon it. God led Israel by speaking to Moses, and He wanted to speak to all of Israel, but they hardened their hearts against Him. God leads our family by speaking to Dad, and He wants to speak with all of us, but you two have hardened your hearts against Him. So He speaks to whomever will listen, and He has commanded me to build this ship. Dad leads our family, but his profession hasn’t taught him to work metal. I don’t understand everything about how God works, but I think that might be why God has commanded me to take the initiative and build this ship. And, if you would go to Him, reason with Him, He would teach you what He needs you to do to fulfill your part in leading our family to our own land of promise.

Nephi: Just as Israel had to pass through the great waters to symbolize the death of their enslaved selves, and their rebirth as a covenant people of God, we too will pass through these great waters and be born anew as God’s people in a land He promised us. Now, does that make more sense?

Me: So, what you’re saying is that working backward based on the evidence at hand, the Jews aren’t that righteous, and so the promises of their protection aren’t binding on God. Consequently, destruction is coming to them, but protection is still offered to those who hear God's word in this day—in other words, Dad…and you. And so that’s why we’re out here, basically as a mini Israel with you and Dad playing Moses and me and Lemuel playing the children of Israel.

Nephi: Pretty much.

Me: That’s kind of a harsh, but the evidence of God’s power shooting out of you seems to support your point. So…you’ve given me a lot to think about. I hope you’ll be patient with me, this is a very different way of looking at our people than I’ve ever faced before. I need some time to think it over.

Nephi: Please take the time, and please, go to God. He will help you.

Laman: [slightly sarcastically] Yeah, that’d be nice.

Nephi: Whaddya mean?

Me: He means it’s easier said than done. I’ve prayed to God before and asked Him for answers to questions, but I’ve never received "an answer." Laman, I’m guessing you’ve been there too?

Laman: Yep. It’s really convenient how God won’t stop talking to you and Dad, but I’ve never experienced that.

Nephi: Try again. Take the next couple days, and really think this over, and spend time in prayer. God will respond.

Me: Okay, sounds good. Well, I gotta go help Jael. It’s starting to get late.

Nephi: Laman, Lemuel, I love you guys. That’s why I care so much about this. I hope you know that.

Laman: Yeah, Nephi, yeah, we know you do.

And then with that, we headed back to camp. This conversation all happened last night, and so I’ve been thinking over it since. I just don’t know. There are some obvious signs supporting the view that Dad and Nephi are asserting (Jews are wicked, ‘bout to be destroyed. God is protecting/delivering us to a promised land), but I don’t get why God is talking to them and not me or Laman. It’s not like I never ask Him for answers when I pray. I have in the past, but I learned that’s just not how He communicates with me. For me, our faith has always just made sense, and I’ve accepted that as God’s way of guiding me. So I’ve done my best to adhere to that faith, and obey the wise counsel of our leaders.

The last eight years have really thrown all that up in the air, and, for the first time in my life, things don’t just make sense anymore. So this evening after the family gets to bed, I think I’ll head up to the hills to pray about all this. Nephi’s the fourth son, and if God will talk to him, then why wouldn’t he talk to us older sons? I mean, I know Laman can be a bit cold, and so I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t bother to try talking to God. But I’m up for it, and as the second oldest, if God wants to lead our family, he’ll probably need to do it through me once Dad passes on. I should have time to update you all tomorrow on how it goes tonight.

Only Fools Rush In (to Building Boats)

Oh boy. You know…enough years had passed I thought we were good with Nephi again. But you know that ore he was gathering? Well, I guessed right and wrong. He was gathering ore to make tools—but not tools to build a house. He’s making tools to build…

…wait for it...

…A BOAT!

Yeah, he thinks he can build a boat! He’s never even been on a boat. I’m not sure if he ever saw a real sea prior to use arriving at Bountiful. Now, I can guess what you’re thinking. Maybe he’d like to do a bit of sailing around since we’re going to be living by the sea. Maybe he’s planning to do some fishing. Well you’re thinking wrong. Here’s the conversation:

Me: So a boat, huh? Sounds fun, planning on using it for fishing?

Nephi: Nope, it’s—

Laman: —It’s probably not the highest priority right now is what it is, bro.

Me: Laman’s got a point. I’ll bet Rebekah and the kids are anxious for you to get started on your house. Just a bit of marriage advice, I’d start with what your wife wants, then after she’s happy, get started on your new hobby.

Nephi: This isn’t a hobby; it’s what the Lord commanded me to do. Our families are not—

Me: —Try telling that to Rebekah, who will be living in a tent after her sisters are all living in homes we built.

Nephi: Guys. I’m not just building a boat. I’m building a ship, and this takes priority over building homes because we’re not staying here. We’re going to the land that God promised us.

Me: Woah woah woah...

Laman: …Wait, what?! What are you talking about?!

Me: Yeah, we’re already in the promised land. Look around! God led us here, there’s fruit, game, water, everything we need. If this isn’t the promised land, anywhere else would probably be a step down.

Laman: Aaaaand you don’t know how to build a ship. It’s one thing to build a little boat that you can use to sail around near shore. If it sinks, you can swim back. But you’re gonna put all our families on a ship you built and sail it out into the sea to some new promised land you’ve never seen when we already have one right here?! [Looking at some drawings Nephi made] Wait, are those your designs? You’ve clearly never seen a ship before because that looks nothing like what a ship looks like. You are sooo out of your depth.

Not the actual designs, but they were on this level of weird

Nephi: Guys, this isn’t the promised land. It’s not where God wants our families to be. He commanded me to build this ship after a manner that He showed me and take our families to the promised land. Now I’m going to need your help on this. So would you please hear me out on this? If you don’t believe me take it to God and ask Him yourself.

Me: That’s why we have a prophet, Nephi. And that prophet is Dad—not you. Look, I’ll be honest, when we started this whole thing, it wasn’t easy for me to accept God was talking to Dad, and I still have some dissonance around that idea. But the voice of the Lord all those years ago plus us arriving here in the promised land has led me to the conclusion he’s probably a prophet—

Laman: —jury’s still out for me on that one.

Me: Fair enough, Laman. But Nephi and I both believe Dad is probably a prophet—

Nephi: I’m certain he’s a prophet of God.

Me: Okay, then you should understand then that it’s his responsibility to receive revelation for the family. For God to reveal this boat thing to you would violate the established channels. King David taught that God’s covenants are ordered in all things. He’s not going to violate His order. If this isn’t the promised land, and if we need to move on, that revelation will come to the prophet, the patriarch of the family—

Laman: —not someone who just wants to be. You’re wasting your efforts, and if we help you, we’ll be wasting ours too. In fact, it’s worse than that. It’s murdering our own families. Taking a ship out into the middle of the sea for who knows how long requires a good ship built by someone who knows what they’re doing. As the head of my family, there’s no way I’m going to let my wife and children drown on your suicide ship. I love them too much for that.

Me: He’s harsh, but he’s right. It’s my job to protect my family. I would be abandoning that responsibility if I allowed them to set sail on a ship you built. Heck, not just you, but on a ship any of us built. My lack of trust isn’t in you specifically—none of us know how to do this.

Laman: This isn’t the way to try to take power over the family, Nephi. Wait until Dad passes on, and then you can try to wrestle the birthright from me. But if you insist on this route, we’ll all drown, and you’ll have no one to rule over.

Nephi: You guys don’t get me at all, do you? Would you please just ask God about this?

Me: We have a prophet that we can and will follow; we don’t need to ask God about this.

With that, Nephi just hung his head, turned around, and walked off up into the mountains again. I have kinda conflicted emotions over the whole thing. He’s my kid brother, so I hate to hurt him like that. But on the other hand, it’s nice to see him finally humbled to the point where he couldn't get all self-righteous in the argument. I’ll make sure and apologize to him soon, just so that he knows there’s no hard feelings.

If I Had a Hammer...

Started working on the house last week. Right now we’re in tree cutting mode. When we left Jerusalem, we didn’t know we’d be doing this, so we didn’t bring the best tools for such an endeavor. It makes for a lot of work just to cut down a single tree. Then once you cut it down, it’s still a ton of work to shape the wood so it's usable for a house.

Luckily, I saw Nephi with some iron ore yesterday. I guess he got it out of the mountains where’s he’s been hanging out lately. I haven’t asked him what it’s for yet, but I’m guessing he’s going to be making some tools that will really save a lot of time here. Good thing we brought him.

Oh, and I LOVE it here. After 8 years in the desert, there’s so much great food here. Sam goes out early every morning and comes back with a bunch of fish by breakfast. The kids go out and find fruit. There are some new fruits here I’ve never seen before. Whenever we get something new, one of us eats it the first day, then if they don’t get sick (or worse) from the fruit, then we know it’s safe for us to all eat.

Each time Dad has insisted that he eat the fruit. He says he’s already old, and the family would probably do better without him anyway. That’s so not true, I’m just hoping we can count on his prophetic abilities to warn him before he eats something he shouldn’t. He’s not as physically strong as he once was, but he still is helpful to have around, and probably more so for leadership than for labor.

To everyone stuck back in Jerusalem (assuming you haven’t all been hauled off by the Babylonians yet), you guys need to come check out the place sometime. Don’t take 8 years to get here. That’s not fun. But if you ever get a chance to come down this way, go basically east from Nahom until you hit Irreantum.

We Made It to the Great Valley!

Guys! We arrived in the promised land! I can’t believe it! Look at this place!

We’re calling it Bountiful. Isn’t it awesome? To really understand the beauty of this promised land, you gotta consider what we’ve been traveling through for the last 8 years:

Artist's rendition

And then after 8 years of that, we come to this!

It’s been four years since my last post, and honestly, I really was starting to wonder if we were going anywhere worth going. A promised land of sand isn’t much of a promise. (Side note: I don't like sand. It's course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.) But this place is great. It’s got fruit and honey. Plenty of game to hunt; we can fish in the waters.
Eight years ago I decided to act in faith and accept Dad as a prophet, and finally that decision has been confirmed. He knew what he was doing after all.

There’s also lots of lumber here, so I plan to start working on a house for my family. And we’ll need it. The sandflies are bad here. Who can blame them though? It’s the only place for miles worth inhabiting. If I was a sandfly, this is where I’d live. I guess I better finish up this post. I have a ton to do. I’ve never built a house before. No idea what I’m doing. Maybe Dad knows. Nephi’s good at this stuff, I’m sure he can help me too. Anyway, I’ll keep you guys updated. This place is so awesome. Take it away, Diana Ross!

 🎶If we hold oooonnnn together, ♪ I know our dreaaaams will neeeever diieeee.... 🎵

I Hope that Ball Knows Where It's Going

...because we've been walking for a looong time. Overall, we’re traveling east, but there’s a lot of variation and even some looping around. It’s now been four years since we left Nahom, but I’ll bet if I were to straight line walk back to Nahom, I could do it in a few weeks.

Granted, we don’t travel everyday. As I explained before, the amount of labor required to survive is super high. Which means when we’re traveling, we don’t have time to get food. So we camp for long periods of time, and try to build up stores of food, then follow the ball a few more days until the food starts to run low. Then repeat.

Oh and I just realized, I’m so lame, I forgot to mention that I had another kid about a year ago. Her name is Naomi, and she’s growing and doing well out here. I didn’t mention it in my last post because…well, I dunno. Things are just really busy.

Everyone is doing pretty well. We’ve been lucky, all the pregnancies have gone smoothly along with the deliveries. The kids have been healthy. We haven’t had anyone get really sick since Ishmael passed. So I guess God's promises are being fulfilled.

Honestly, I don’t know when I’ll update this again. I think once we finally get where we’re going, it’ll be easier for me to update. Also, there hasn’t been a ton of drama, so not much interesting anyway. Hopefully we’ll get to this promised land soon. I’ll let you know when we get there, or if any drama happens along the way. Take care, everyone!

Huntin', Gatherin', Ballin'

Sorry it’s been so long between posts again. I really just don’t feel like I have much to post. Ever since God put me in my place, I’ve just been trying to go along with things. Sometimes Nephi will say things that push my buttons, but I just calm down and remind myself that’s just how he is. Avoiding drama leaves me with no real juicy conversations to post.

Finding enough food and water every day is a lot of work, but it doesn’t make for particularly interesting writing either. So I don’t feel like I have much to write about. Then I thought, well, maybe I’ll at least share a picture. The picture below is looking back over a canyon we just traveled through. The family is to the bottom right, just outside the frame. I climbed up to the top so I could look beyond our current location and check out where we’re headed.

So not exactly what I’d call fertile, but not completely barren either. It’s tough living, but we’re living, and I think we have God to thank for that.

...Aaand I'm Back!

Oh man, I’ve been so bad at updating this blog lately. Honestly, I almost forgot about the blog until something reminded me of it yesterday. I went back and looked at it and realized in my last post I left you all hanging with, “Hey, we almost killed my dad and brother.” Sorry, if any of you were worried. Things have actually been going pretty good for everyone over the last year.

After leaving Nahom, we started heading east. It’s not exactly easy living out here, so we’ve kept plenty busy just trying to survive (hence the lack of blogging time). And, we’re all the more busy because everyone’s got baby’s now too. Jael and I have a 4-month-old. We named her Sariah. She’s healthy and doing well, which is good. We’ve been living off raw meat since we left Jerusalem. I was worried that wouldn't be good for Jael’s pregnancy or for nursing. But Jael and the baby have both been fine, so I guess raw meat can be okay. And honestly, it doesn’t taste as gross as it sounds.

So it’s a lot of work to survive out here, but we’re getting along okay and not starving. I just hope we get to wherever we’re going soon, and there’s plenty of food there. Once all these runts need to start eating real food, it’ll require a lot more work to feed them. Oh, and speaking of runts, I have a new little brother. Jacob was born to Mom and Dad a few months after we left Nahom. It’s crazy, he’s my brother, but he’s gonna grow up playing with my kids.

I Guess My Dad's a Prophet

We buried Ishmael yesterday. He died two days ago, the night after we reached Nahom. Like I said, his passing has been really hard on everyone. All of his daughters loved him a lot. So much so that at the burial ceremony, things got a bit heated. Zilpah and Jael both gave Dad a piece of their minds, and I wasn’t too inclined to intervene. They had a point. Their dad is dead (not exactly a sign of God’s approval of our trek), they’re exhausted, pregnant, starving, and although we have meat right now, that whole starvation incident might happen again if we continue on in our present course of action. They wanted to return to Jerusalem but Dad wasn’t really willing to talk about it at that time. Instead he said we need to focus on Ishmael’s burial for the time being, and deal with other issues afterward. So Zilpah and Jael stormed off, and weren’t even there for the final parts of the burial ceremony.

Laman was pretty bothered by the whole thing. He’s now the patriarch of his own family, and yet he's dragging them out somewhere they don’t want to be. Later on, Hoshea and Ahijah and me were a couple ris outside of camp when Laman came up to us and initiated the following conversation. I’ll warn you ahead of time, this conversation goes to a weird place, but just keep in mind we’ve all kind of been in a weird place lately. It’s hard to make sense of things.

Laman: We gotta get back to Jerusalem, guys.

Hoshea: And how are we going to do that? We don’t have the right gear to split up into two parties, and there’s no way you’ll ever get Lehi, Sam, and Nephi to come along with us.

Laman: Well, I don’t think we should split into two parties. Doing that basically ensures our moms and sisters die along with those three fools.

Me: Look, I wanna get back too. We all do. But, I’m starting to wonder though, like…that director. I have no idea how that thing works, but it seems to be from God, and it's telling us to keep going.

Ahijah: It does seem to be evidence that our Dads aren’t totally crazy...

Laman: Listen to yourselves! Who is the only one in our family that can make something like that director?!

Me: uhhh...

Laman: Nephi, you moron! Look, one thing Nephi has going for him is that he is a genius at creating stuff. A couple weeks before we left, his master was telling me he's excelling in his apprenticeship faster than any apprentice he’s ever seen. Ever notice how the writing on the ball never changes when any of us look at it? It’s only when Dad or Nephi are using it. Nephi is seriously cunning, and he rigged up the thing so the needles point the direction he wants them to go, and he swaps out the writing periodically. He’s trying to get us to think that God is leading us.

Me: You just blew my mind...

Ahijah: It kind of makes sense, I guess.

Laman: Oh, it makes even more sense than that. Nephi’s also claiming that God talks to him, and angels minister to him. Well isn’t that convenient? “Hey guys, God led us to this ‘promised land,’ so now it’s time to set up our little community that God has given us. Oh, and God talks to me, so I better tell you all how to run this place since God gave it to us.” God talks to him?! God speaks to the prophets, the men he gave authority to to lead us. But he’s trying to usurp that authority by setting himself up as a light for our family. It’s basically just priestcraft. He’s wants to be in charge, to be a king, regardless of how small his kingdom is. He’s always wanted to be on top. That’s why he always talks down to us. He’s trying to put us in our place—below him.

Hoshea: So I guess it’s safe to say you don’t think God is leading us then?

Me: [chuckle chuckle] Yeah, tell us how you really feel. No, kidding. But seriously, you kinda have a point here. But my question is, so what? What are we going to do?

Laman: Lemuel, who’s responsible for protecting Jael?

Me: … uhhh, me. Where are going with—

Laman: —And if Jael’s threatened, what’s your job?

Me: …uhhh, protect her? Take out the threat.

Laman: Okay, now why is Ishmael dead?

Hoshea: Because we are trying to survive in a desert...and apparently we’re not very good at it.

Laman: Okay, now Ishmael isn’t going to be the last one to die out here. The pregnant women will probably not make it either. You have to realize that the biggest threats right now to your wives are Dad and Nephi.

Me: So you’re saying that we should—

Laman: I’m saying it’s time to be a man and do what it takes to protect your family.

Ahijah: But Nephi would die before he lets us take everyone back to Jerusalem!

Laman: Then maybe we take him up on that offer. Look Lemuel, Nephi’s my brother too, and I don’t want to be talking like this, but things have changed now. My responsibilities have changed now, and Lemuel, so have yours.

Me: Yeah, I guess...

Laman: Look we don’t have to kill him. I’d prefer we don’t. What we do is we simply take control of the situation. We go back to camp, we announce we’re headed back and start the preparations. If they resist, we escalate and show we’re in control. Hopefully Dad and Nephi don’t do anything dumb, and we can all head back and move on with our lives.

Lemuel: I think you’ve got realize that escalation is guaranteed. It’s 4 against 4 here. Dad, Nephi, Sam and Zoram against the 4 of us. We’re not going to be able to “just take charge” here.

Ahijah: And your dad’s may not be a young guy anymore, but he definitely still has some fight in him.

Hoshea: So then I guess we have to strike first. Let’s say Nephi can’t put up a fight anymore, then that definitely swings the odds in our favor, and discourages the others from trying to stop us.

Laman: Hoshea’s ri—

And then the wind started. The weird thing was, there was no wind. Just the sound of a VERY. LOUD. WIND. We all stopped talking, then the wind sound died down, and then…Well, I don’t know how to explain it to all you guys. We all like…felt…or…heard…or something...a voice.

Not what it looked like, but definitely what it sounded and felt like.

Voice: Laman and Lemuel, arise and hearken to My words!

[Shocked and unsure what was going on, I just kinda sat there dumbfounded.]

Voice: Laman and Lemuel, arise and hearken to My word, even the word of the God of Israel!!

[This time I figured it out and complied.]

Voice: Why do you seek the blood of your father and your brother, Nephi? For I, the Lord, have said: Inasmuch as you keep my commandments, you shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands. And I have blessed Nephi, because of his faith, and because he has sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart. And inasmuch as you shall rebel against Nephi, you shall be cut off from my presence. And now behold, if you rebel against me, I will curse you, even with a sore curse. Now I say unto you: Go, and remember the captivity of your fathers in the land of Egypt, and remember how great things I have done for them; for they were in bondage, and I delivered them. And now I say unto you, Laman, Lemuel, Hoshea, and Ahijah, go your way, and seek to destroy your father and brother no more, that I may fulfill my covenant with them, and this even if you will of yourself be cast off.

Laman: [in a very terrified voice at this point] But...my God, are we not already cast off in this place? We have suffered much and will likely die of starvation.

Voice: If you hearken unto me, I will be your guide. I will bless you again with food, that you will not perish. Now go, repent of the evil you have done, and keep my commandments.

Yeah, so basically, Laman tried to argue with God. That guy! Whaddya gonna do?

Anyway, as I said up at the top of this post, this is all kinds of weird. How Nephi and Dad have favor with God when they’re actively rebelling against God’s prophets is beyond me. But who am I to argue with God? (That’s apparently Laman’s job anyway).

So after that, we basically cooled off, got our heads back on our shoulders, and decided that being "cast off" didn’t sound like our preferred life outcomes. So I’m trying to be more humble about this whole thing. Laman and I were chatting afterward and decided that we should probably accept that Dad is a real prophet. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that creates a lot of cognitive dissonance. I admit, I’m confused about what’s going on here, but I guess God wants me to play ball. So I’m gonna play.

Over Promised and Under Delivered

This is going to have to be a short post because I don’t have a ton of time. We’re on the move again, following the director.

Ishmael still hasn't recovered from when we all nearly starved, and he probably won’t last until tomorrow morning. Obviously, his family is having a difficult time with it. I gotta admit, if I were Ishmael, I’d be feeling a bit frustrated right now. We basically lured him on the journey by talking about how Jerusalem was going to be destroyed, and we were headed to a promised land God prepared for us. And now he’s going to die in the desert. Had he stayed in Jerusalem, he could’ve lived comfortably many more years. And then when he died, he could’ve been buried with his fathers and family. Instead, we’ll probably bury him in Nahom, which is a 2-day journey from here. (From what I heard, they have a decent sized burial area right outside of the town). And then we’ll move on. He’ll sit in that grave alone until the resurrection.

Dad said Nahom is about a two-day journey beyond those mountains.

Jael’s pretty inconsolable right now, and I have no idea how to help. Any ideas would be great. Again, I’m new at this whole “being a husband” thing and need all the help I can get.

Arabian Arrow Massacre

Alright, I’m still ticked at Nephi, and still working on being able to forgive him, but I gotta give him some credit. He figured out how to make his own bow, string it, and and then he made an appropriate arrow. Dad used the director to figure out where he should go hunt, and Nephi made a killing up on the mountain this morning. He killed so many animals with a single arrow, Laman, Sam, and I had to go help him bring the carcasses down. Like I said before, he’s got a lot of good technical skills, just no social skills at all. I guess I need to focus more on his good qualities.

A slight exaggeration of Nephi's haul from this morning

Camp’s been busy this whole morning as we’ve been skinning and prepping the food. Dad has insisted that we don’t cook the food (my guess is the smoke would alert the gangs on the trading routes to our presence), so we’ve been eating it raw (ugh), but luckily no one has gotten sick. Or at least they haven’t got sick from eating raw meat anyway. Jael’s dad is real sick. I spent some time with him this morning, and I don’t know if he’s going to return to health even with all the meat we have. Jael tried to feed him a bit, but he couldn’t keep anything down. I think the exhaustion combined with starvation might’ve been too much for him at his age.

Jael's not talking about it much; she still thinks he's going to pull through, and I’m not sure what to say. It’s a rough way for her to start a new family—live in a tent, nearly starve while pregnant, probably lose your dad. She’s so great, and I love her so much. She really deserves a lot better than this. I have no idea how to help her through this time. I’m kind of new at this whole being an adult thing, and I want to do what I can for her, but I feel so limited.

The Hunger Games

Ooookaaay....

I'm kind of dispirited right now (to put it gently). Nephi broke his bow, and it’s been a few days since any of us have had anything to eat. There’s no indication of a town anywhere nearby, so I don’t know how we’re going to get food. I’ve been trying to think of a way out of this, but nothing is coming to mind. It’s too far to make it back to Jerusalem, and I don’t know how much longer we can last out here without a way to hunt. I don’t think this will be my last post—with water, which we have, a person can last a couple weeks without food—but it might be my 2nd or 3rd to last post.

Ishmael’s in REAL bad shape. He wasn’t exactly a youngin' when we left, and so the travel has been hard on him. We stopped to rest and hunt partially so he could recover. But without food, he hasn't. He’s so weak he couldn’t even get out of bed the last couple days.

Oh, and Jael’s pregnant. Not a great time to start a multi-day fast. Although I guess if we all die out here it doesn’t matter anyway. I hate to see her suffering the way she is. This is not the life a pregnant women deserves. It’s so tough because on the one hand, I’m supposed to honor my father and mother, but on the other hand, I’m Jael’s husband. I have a responsibility to take care of her—a responsibility I’m failing at as we die out here because of Dad, Nephi, and Ishmael.

I think Dad is finally starting to get it though. Laman and I were talking to him, and I was trying not to be all “I told you so,” but Laman had no qualms about it. I tried to gently explain that this is what I’ve been saying all along. The Lord protects His people, and abandoning them leaves us unprotected. Starving. In the wilderness. With no food. And no way of getting food. I think it finally got through to him because he’s pretty sad about the whole situation. It’s a bit late though. I just hope that if we don’t survive, this blog functions to help others learn from our mistakes.

Not sure if Nephi will ever get it. He really ticked me off this morning. He had the gall to chew us out for “hardening our hearts." My response was “Dude! My wife and unborn child are probably gonna die, and my concern for them constitutes a ‘hard heart?!'” Then I called him a self-righteous brat and told him where he could stick that holier-than-thou act of his. I turned around and walked off before he could push any more of my buttons. I generally try not to use that sort of language, but let's just say I'm not in the best place emotionally right now.

I don’t know what’s going to happen...I just don’t know...

On the Road Again

Okay, so this is not (as I promised last post) 5 Mind-Numbingly Awesome Ideas to Turn a Desert Nomad Camp into a Luxury Suite. A couple weeks ago, things changed. In fact, we’re not even in the Valley of Me anymore. Dad had a dream that we should get on the road again, and so we moved out. Unfortunately, we’re not headed back to Jerusalem, we’re headed even farther out.

We’ve been going mostly south, mostly keeping to some of the trade routes that run along the Red Sea. And we’re following the directions of some sort of ball-shaped director that we found outside of Dad’s tent. So when we leave the trade routes, it’s generally because this thing has a spindle that points a different way. I really have no idea how that thing works, but it’s done a decent job. Most of the time when it leads us off the main path, we end up in a pretty nice place for hunting and stocking up on food.

I hope that in addition to detecting game, this director can keep us away from the bands of robbers out here. We’re not a small, defenseless caravan, but we’re not large either, and trade routes draw in all sorts of thieves hoping to make bank off of caravans like ours. And in terms of fighting ability, we’re actually smaller than we look. We have only eight men that are of fighting age (Ishmael’s a bit past the age where I’d expect him to help out much against a raid), and if a gang sees that, they’ll come at us for sure. Especially because attacking us brings the prospect of women, not just wealth.

So I’ve been teaching Jael some basic self-defense just in case anything happens to me out here. I also tried to tell Dad that now that I have a role as a protector for my small family, I’m concerned about the idea of bringing them into such an area. He and Ishmael were pretty dismissive of my concerns, and said if we just trust in God, He’d deliver us.

Again, this highlights my concern, I don’t know that what we’re doing here is actually under the command of God. In fact a lot of evidence seems to point to the contrary. So is He going to deliver us when we’ve shown we don’t trust the covenants He made with the house of Israel, nor do we trust the leaders He’s chosen for us? But I’ve brought this up before, and it never seems to go anywhere with Dad, so I didn’t even bother this time.

Oh, and one other concerning development: my bow is dead. The thing has the strength of a willow at this point. Laman’s is getting there too. So if we’re attacked, Nephi’s the only one with a working bow. Also, that means he’s the only one that can hunt for big game, so it limits our hunting opportunities, which limits our food. Hopefully we’ll come to a town soon where we can trade for some new bows.

Hot, Flat, and Crowded

Four families are now nine! We had a big group marriage ceremony a few days ago. And that’s exciting and all. Problem is we don’t have 9 tents. We have 6. So…yeah. Privacy isn’t really a thing in our current situation...

…But Jael’s great. We’ve only known each other a couple weeks, but I feel like this is gonna work out great. In fact, I guess this is an upside to this whole “flee to the wilderness” thing. I don’t know if I’d have ended up with Jael had we stayed in Jerusalem, and I like her a lot better than any of the other options that Mom and Dad were considering for me. So, there’s a silver lining to this cloud.

Now, it would be a bit more convenient to start a new family not in the desert. But Jael’s a good sport, and we have a good time throwing in just a dash of snarky commentary to help make desert survival a tad more enjoyable. I’ve been thinking of some DIY ideas of how I can improve the camp and make things a bit more homey feeling for the two of us. In my next post, I’ll blog about it:

5 Mind-Numbingly Awesome Ideas to Turn Your Desert Nomad Camp into a Luxury Suite!

I'm sure it'll look just like this by the time I'm done.

Make Me a Match

Being in this small of a dating market makes for some interesting interactions. We have five single guys, and five single ladies. And we all have to match someone. If Dad and Ishmael just went down the list matching by age, I’d be with Orpah, but she’s not my type at all. Luckily, like I said in my last post, she and Sam seem to be fans of each other. Also, Dad and Ishmael seem to be taking into account how everyone interacts in the arrangements they’re making. So that’s a good sign. Laman and Nephi both made their moves for their desired lady-folk quite quickly. I’m a bit less gung ho, and have never been great at the wooing game, so from the moment we headed back to get Ishmael’s family, I figured I’d get last dibs.

But I gotta say, this is actually turning out really well. Jael’s a lot of fun, we have very similar personalities, and she knows how to rock a wimple and crisping pin combo. Oh, and none of my bros are going for her, so I think I actually have a chance getting an awesome wife. Laman, Sam, and Nephi seem to fit well with the girls they’re cozying up to, and even Zoram seems to be a good match for Salome. Although, those two are on again off again—a lot. I think they’ll settle down over time though.

Anyway, Dad, Mom, Ishmael, and Jehosheba are making plans for a big group wedding soon. I told Dad it seems weird to be doing a wedding out here in the boonies with no one around. Can’t really do the big celebration. He said something about how that’s what made this arrangement so nice. Less time worrying about unimportant stuff, and more time to get him some grandkids. Jael was sitting next to me when he said that. He’s kind of awkward, but I guess when you get older you don’t care.

I don't think we'll have enough guests to fill out the reception

Button Pushing

Just finished up another chat with Nephi, "the diplomat." I really need to stop letting him push my buttons. So Laman, Sam, and I were talking about Dad’s dream and the stuff he taught us about the olive tree. I explained my whole take from my last post—basically the confusion here comes from Dad interpreting certain scriptures as temporal when they’re clearly spiritual, otherwise God would have to be a liar.

Laman was in a pretty good mood (for once) and decided we should try to give Dad the benefit of the doubt. Basically we could try interpreting the scriptures temporally in a way that didn't lead to inconsistencies. Sam chimed in and point out that’s probably a good idea; he’d always felt like Zenos’ parable didn’t work with a purely spiritual interpreation. When I asked what he meant, he said something like, “Well, look at the section on the wild branches being grafted in. What could that possibly mean as an analogy to our spiritual lives?” Which is a good point.

So we were chatting about it for awhile. Dad had mentioned the Gentiles in connection with the wild branches, and we were trying to figure that out when Nephi showed up. He asked us what we were talking about, and we told him.

Nephi: Have you asked God your questions?

Me: Uhhh, not really. If God was here, I’d ask Him. But since he's not here to talk with, we’re doing our best to figure it out.

Nephi: Why don’t you do what God commands? Why would you die because of the hardness of your hearts??

Me: Wooahh, Nephi? We’re trying to understand these things—

Nephi: Don’t you remember what the Lord said? If you don’t harden you hearts, and ask in faith believing that you will receive, while diligently obeying God’s commands, He’s going to answer you.

So timeout from the script for a second for me to just add a quick note. Nephi and Dad hit on this “ask God to receive information” theme quite a bit. But I’m not sure what to do with it. I pray regularly, and I ask questions, and sometimes I feel the Spirit, but answering questions about stuff like the wild branches of the tree and the Gentiles would require God to communicate with me in ways capable of conveying more complex information—full sentences, paragraphs, concepts, etc. I’ve never experienced anything close to that, even when I ask. So what am I supposed to do? Anyway...

Nephi went on to explain his view on things. Basically that the olive tree was the house of Israel. Our family is a broken off branch of that tree. The wild branches are the Gentiles, and in the future, the Gentiles will get the fulness of the gospel and bring it to our descendants who will have lost the gospel by that point. Then our descendants will be grafted back into the original tree, or in other words rejoin the house of Israel. And these things apply not just to our “branch” but all of the house of Israel.

We then asked him about his take on a few of the symbols in Dad’s dream. He basically said the tree was the tree of life, the rod was the word of God, the river was hell, and it separated the wicked from the righteous. And then something about judgment.

Me: Interesting theory...

Laman: Yeah, it seems consistent, but I’m not sure if it’s actually correct.

Nephi: Well, you ought to ask God then, and He’ll tell you.

Me: You keep saying that, but I don’t know if you understand how hard it is for us to do what you’re saying. We’re trying our best here to understand this stuff, but you keep railing on us because we aren’t full-on prophets who receive paragraphs of quotes directly from God. You gotta be a bit more understanding of people, otherwise you’ll be the only one of us who doesn’t end up marrying one of Ishmael’s daughters. Most women (and people in general) would prefer to live and die alone as opposed to living with someone who is always bearing down so hard on them for not becoming their own personal Moses.

Nephi: The things I’m saying are only hard on the wicked—

Laman: —See! There it is again!

Nephi: Righteous people love the message I share because it brings salvation. It testifies that they’ll be lifted up at the last day. The wicked on the other hand always take the truth in a negative light. It cuts them deep. And if you guys were righteous, you wouldn’t be complaining about what I’m saying.

Laman [sarcastically]: Righteous like you??!

Nephi: Laman! It’s not about me! This is about you and the Lord! The Lord has offered you guys salvation! He wants to have a real relationship with you. He wants to talk with you, not just hear you offer up vain prayers to Him. He wants to answer you, teach you, show you, lead you. And I promise you that he will. I’m not a perfect person. I have so many failings I don’t know where to begin. But God is merciful enough to reach down to me and lift me up, and He’ll do the same for you guys. You need to get over me. I’m not important. God is. Please do what He asks. Turn to Him. Come to Him.

Me: You gotta decent point here. I guess sometimes we let you push our buttons, because to be honest, you often come off as a bit…—

Laman: —Self-righteous.

Me: I was trying to think of a nicer way to put that, but yeah, self-righteous.

Nephi: Look, guys, I know I have a tendency to get excited about this stuff, and speak very directly. It’s because this stuff is actually exciting, and the implications are very direct. I wish I could tell you everything I know, but know this: the Lord is leading our family, and if we obey Him, He will bless us.

Laman: Fair enough. I’ll try to do a better job of praying about things when I have questions.

Me: Same here.

Sam: I’ve been doing that all along, but you guys don’t listen to me.

Me [winkingly]: Shut up, Sam!

Sam: You guys are funny. I don’t know what’s going on with Nephi, but as I pray about these things, God has answered my prayers too. Not in ways that allow me to spell out all the symbolism in Dad’s dreams and the scriptures like Nephi can, but in ways that are important for the questions I’m asking.

Sam’s a good guy. He’s been hanging out with Orpah a lot lately. I’m thinking those two will make a pretty good couple. Anyway, back to the discussion. Like I said, I really need to stop letting Nephi push my buttons. I think he has a good heart, he’s just not the most compassionate in the way he talks. I’m gonna try to do better.

Spiritual or Temporal

I don’t know what just happened. If you read my last post, you know I was planning on talking to Dad about my concerns that he’s abandoned God and His people. After recounting to him the covenants that God established with our people, he didn’t seem to really get what I was talking about. I’ll give you his response to the covenants, and the rest of the conversation as best as I can recall.

Dad: Lemuel, Jerusalem is going to be destroyed, and after -

Me: How can you say that? Didn’t you understand the covenants I just read?

Dad: I’ve seen it, and the prophets foretold it.

Me: No, Jeremiah has foretold it. I know you think he’s a prophet, but why would the Lord call one of the random priests as the prophet to give direction to the high priest and to the people as a whole. It would create only confusion. God works through the leaders he’s chosen. David's last words confirmed that God's house is a house of order.

Dad: Not just Jeremiah, Isaiah has also prophesied that Jerusalem will be destroyed.

Me: Dad, I think you have a tendency to interpret spiritual things as temporal. The prophets love Isaiah the same as you do, but they see his true message—a spiritual message. You, me, Nephi…Israel represents everyone of us. Israel is God’s covenant people, and you and I are possessors of that same covenant. Isaiah is using Jerusalem to talk about what happens when any of us fall away from Jehovah. When that happens, we fall, and our righteousness is scattered. But Jehovah is merciful and provides the Day of Atonement where our righteousness is gathered back in, and we reconcile to God. This is what the prophets teach about Isaiah!

Dad: Oh Lemuel. You don’t see it do you? I’m glad you are likening the scriptures unto yourself, but you need to realize that Isaiah’s prophecies refer not just to things spiritual, but also things temporal. Jerusalem is going to be destroyed, and many Jews will be hauled off to Babylon. Eventually they’ll come back to Jerusalem, and 600 years after our family left the city, the Messiah will be born among the Jews. This Messiah is the Savior and Redeemer of the world, and He is the one who will provide the real atonement you spoke of. This atonement is what will save the whole world from its fallen state.

Dad: He will be preceded by a messenger who will cry from the wilderness saying “Prepare ye the way of the Lord, and make his paths straight; for there standeth one among you whom ye know not; and he is lighter than I, whose shoe’s latchet I am not worthy to unloose.” This messenger will perform mikveh for the Messiah, and bear testimony that the Messiah is the Lamb of God who will take away the sins of the world through His atonement.

Dad: But the Jews will reject and kill the Messiah. And after they do so, he will rise from the dead, and He will begin a ministry to the Gentiles through the Holy Ghost. If you want to really understand what’s going on with our people and our family, “the Lord's people,” I suggest you study Zenos. Just as the branches of the old, corrupt tree needed to be broken off and scattered, so our Lord has broken off our family from the corrupt tree, and is sending us to a promised land. And after all Israel is scattered, then the wild branches (the Gentiles) have a shot at the gospel. Then after the Gentiles receive the fullness of the Gospel, then Israel will be gathered again and come to know the Messiah.

After that, we discussed a few of Isaiah’s prophecies, and I guess I can see where Dad is getting tripped up now. With Zenos, Isaiah, and the others, he and I just disagree on whether the message is spiritual or temporal. I stand with the prophets who teach that the message is spiritual; it’s an analogy to talk about the fall and redemption of the soul. Dad rejects the prophet’s teachings and thinks that Isaiah and Zenos are speaking of temporal things.

I’ll be honest, I’m still not persuaded by Dad’s take on it though. The more I think about it, the more it seems like his interpretation creates too many paradoxes in God’s word. He says we’ll possess the gates of our enemies, and that they’ll flee from before us. So how then can Isaiah’s words about our destruction be interpreted literally??? I think the prophets are right on this one, but I still don’t know how to help Dad understand my point. Again, if you guys have any ideas of things on how to resolve this, please share in the comments below. I think I’ll go talk to Laman and see if he has any ideas. I’d like to include Nephi in our discussion, but I saw him heading out of camp somewhere, so maybe when he gets back.