Drama in the Desert

I’m back in the Valley of Me again. Home sweet home (big fat nope!). The trip back down here had some drama. After about a day of walking, Hoshea (with a pregnant wife) and Ahijah (with a two-month-old) were talking to Laman about how hard the journey is for their families. They had apparently asked Nephi if we could slow it down, but Nephi was concerned about getting caught by the authorities for the whole Laban thing and was really pushing the pace. He slowed down, but apparently it wasn’t enough. So the next morning, I think Ashtaroth was ready to murder somebody if we kept up the death march. And I don’t blame her. She did not look like a comfortable pregnant lady. And I guess Sheerah’s baby wasn’t nursing real well, which Ahijah thought was because newborns don’t like being drug through the desert. Who knew?

This is not what desert living is like

Well, Hoshea and Ahijah found a listening ear in Laman who is probably even less jazzed about this trip than they are (and it’s not like Laman has a pregnant wife or a newborn to be concerned about). I also get where Hoshea and Ahijah are coming from. Ishmael doesn’t believe his life to be under threat like Dad does, so he doesn’t need to leave right away. He could easily wait about a year and his sons’ families would be in a way better place to make this trip.

So on day two, I figured I’d go talk to Nephi before Laman did. Laman doesn’t exactly have a soft touch when it comes to disagreeing with Nephi. Basically I told Nephi I was wondering if it’d be better for Ishmael’s family to wait a year before joining us. Nephi wasn’t really willing to budge on this issue though. He said that the Lord’s command to Dad included the statement that it wasn’t a good idea for our family to head into the wilderness alone. He interprets this to mean that we’re not going to be sticking around in the Valley of Me much longer, but will soon be heading deeper into the wilderness. So a year from now we won’t be camped out a few days journey from Ishmael’s home and might not be able to come back to Jerusalem again.

Turns out Laman was eavesdropping, and decided at this point to enter the conversation with all the tact of a Ba’al rage-storm. What follows below is basically my best recollection of their conversation:

Laman: Nephi, how does your brain work?! You’d rather follow through with an awkwardly and overly extended interpretation of Dad’s dream-musings than take care of the needs of a pregnant woman and an infant?! What’s wrong with you!!??

Nephi: [sad face]

Laman: Look, I know you wanna be in charge, but you’re not. Each of us here are adults and can make our own decisions. Let’s put the question to the group. [turns to face everyone] Alright listen, Ashtaroth is really struggling guys, and Ahijah’s baby might die because of this trip. Lemuel proposed an excellent idea—

Me: Why thank you!—

Laman: Shut up Lemuel, this isn’t time for your attitude. Now, Lemuel’s idea is for us to come back and get you guys in a year when Ashtaroth and Hoshea’s baby is up for the journey. Ishmael’s life isn’t in danger, and I’m pretty sure the city of Jerusalem can hold up until that point. So, what do you say? Hoshea?

Hoshea: Good plan

Laman: Ashtaroth?

Ashtaroth: It would keep me from murdering Nephi in his sleep tonight.

Laman: Ahijah and Sheera?

Sheera: Of course we agree.

Laman: Ishmael and Jehosheba?

Ishmael: Absolutely not. I know Lehi is a man of God, and I sense that same spirit in Nephi. The Spirit of God confirmed to me that He has commanded Lehi to bring us out of Jerusalem just as Nephi said, and I intend to bring my family out of Jerusalem.

Laman: Okay, I guess I care more for your grandchildren than you do. Next? All the single ladies?

Salome: I’m with Father.

Zilpah: Dad, you know it pains me to go against you, but Laman and Lemuel’s idea sounds like it’d be much better for our family. I ask you to reconsider.

Jael: I’m with Zilpah

Rebekah: Well I’m not. I honestly don’t know that Jerusalem has a year left.

Orpah: Agreed, they’re killing the prophets. The Lord won’t suffer them much longer.

Laman: Couple of prophetesses, eh? Whatever. Sam?

Sam: Laman, you know what the right thing to do is, so man up and do it.

Laman: What did you say to me?! Look, I happen to think the manly thing to do in this case is to not kill the infant and pregnant lady. That’s what I think "manning up" requires. I’m not sure what your definition is.

Nephi: Look! You guys are my OLDER BROTHERS! Why in the world do you have to be so deaf and blind that I, your YOUNGER BROTHER, need to be the example for you? Why haven’t you hearkened to the Lord? Did you forget that you’ve SEEN AN ANGEL!? Or what about His saving us from Laban while helping us get the record? Did you forget about that? How are you not aware that the Lord can do ANYTHING for us if we have faith in Him.

Laman: Nephi—

Nephi: And if we stay faithful to him, we’ll be given a new land of promise, and I guarantee that the Lord will at some point let us know when and how Jerusalem was destroyed. It’s gonna happen. The Spirit of the Lord has withdrawn from them, they’ve rejected the prophets, imprisoned Jeremiah and tried to kill Dad. And if you go back you’ll die with them. So you know what? You wanna go back? Go back up to Jerusalem, and remember what I’m telling you right now. You will die with them. I’m speaking the words that the Spirit of the Lord commanded me to speak.

Laman: You think you can curse me?! You dare to prophesy of my death?! We’ll see who’s going to die first. [sucker punches Nephi]

Me: Woaah—

Laman: —Lemuel, bring me your rope!

Me: Uhhh—

Laman: —He’s going to starve us all in the desert. Now bring me your rope!

So I brought him the rope, and I tied up Nephi while Laman held him. Looking back, I feel pretty bad about that. At the time, I was really bothered by Nephi’s approach to this whole ordeal and his insensitivity to everyone else. So I guess those negative feelings just took over. I figured after we dropped Ishmael’s family off in Jerusalem, we’d untie Nephi on the way back to the Valley of Me. But I was also kinda worried that Laman planned to actually leave him there, and I wasn’t looking forward to the confrontation that would be coming when I went to untie him in a day or so.

Laman then started rounding up the camp and getting everyone ready to head back up to Jerusalem. Meanwhile, I hear Nephi saying something (not sure who he was talking to), and he suddenly wriggled out of the rope, stood up, walked over to us, and let me and Laman have it (verbally). At this point, my calm nature still hadn’t returned and I was still kind of amped up from all the confrontation (confession: I don’t like confrontation; I don’t feel in control of myself in those situations). I thought Nephi was going to take a swing at Laman, so I stepped in and grabbed him. At that point, Jehosheba, Jael, and Ahijah came to play referee. Jehosheba’s just the nicest lady, which makes her a real force to be reckoned with when she puts her foot down in front of you.

I apologized to Nephi for attacking him, and guess what, even Laman apologized. Nephi’s response was “I forgive you, now it’d be a good idea if you pray to God and ask Him to forgive you as well.” So apparently he didn’t feel like he had anything to apologize for. That kind of stuck in my craw, so half of my prayer that followed was asking for forgiveness for attacking Nephi, and the other half was asking for forgiveness of my being bothered by Nephi who apparently thinks he’s totally in the right. I’m still working on that last half.

After the drama was over, we picked up camp and continued on to the Valley of Me (albeit at a pace more accommodating for Ashtaroth). Oh, and for those of you at home still wondering, Ahijah’s baby is eating again, and pooping, and doing all the baby stuff. Things worked out.